ZANDERFIST
DEAR JOHN
Subject: My cat is sick
Dear John,
I won’t be able to come into work today as my cat is sick and I have to take care of him.
Please find attached a photo of my cat looking sick as proof.
Sincerely,
Alex
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Subject: RE: My cat is sick
Dear John,
Apparently, you don’t believe that my cat is sick, so please find attached a second photo where my cat is holding a sign that reads “I am a very sick cat”.
Sincerely,
Alex
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Subject: RE: RE: My cat is sick
Dear John,
It has come to my attention that you still don’t believe me, so I’ve sent one of my cat’s stools in the mail to your house, so you can make your own judgment.
Please tell your wife or boyfriend to be careful handling the stool, as I’d quite like it back at some point.
Sincerely,
Alex
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Subject: RE: RE: RE: My cat is sick
Dear John,
I know you’re reading these bloody emails, John. Please acknowledge that I am right and you are wrong. Come on. You’re going to create a hostile work environment, John.
Sincerely,
Alex
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Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: My cat is sick
Dear John,
Okay, maybe I overreacted a little bit in my last email. It’s just been a tough couple of weeks to tell you the truth, and the whole cat thing has just sent me straight over the edge. I’ve had the little guy since I was a teenager, so to see him in this state is just soul crushing. I know it’s not personal, and I know you’re doing the best job you can do. It’s just a tricky situation. Sorry.
Sincerely,
Alex
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Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: My cat is sick
Oh for fuck’s sake John, you rang the police? You’ve always been a touchy cunt, honestly. This is why nobody in marketing thinks your Jon Snow impression is any good. Fuck off.
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Dear Neil,
I would like to apply for the role of Team Member. I’ve attached my CV and a cover letter.
Sincerely,
Alex