HALLOWEEN

I couldn’t wait for Halloween this year. I had a party lined up and everything. Except it wasn’t a Halloween party so much as it was a Halloween intervention. And it wasn’t a Halloween intervention so much as it was a regular intervention. God, I miss cocaine.

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As it turns out, pumpkin carving is a lot easier than it looks on TV. You just remove the head, scoop out the fleshy guts and pretend you don’t know why you have an erection.