ROMANCE

If you love something, set it free. If you don’t love something then you should also set it free, because y’know, space.

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Nothing’s more romantic than a candlelit dinner. Except a candlelit breakfast-for-dinner.

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A lot of people nowadays try to claim that marriage is just done for tax purposes. I say they’re wrong. My wife and I are perfectly happy together in our villa in the Pyrenees.

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Marrying a toaster is a bit like marrying your best friend for a joke on Facebook, except it’s nothing like that, because you’ve married a toaster (what is wrong with you?).

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The best way to meet new people is to go to an old man’s house and claim to be his long-lost son. Once he stops crying, he’ll probably take you out for a meal.

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Romance is such a broad concept that you’d have a hard time trying to give it a singular definition. I myself have come up with four-hundred and twenty-three in the past week alone.

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I have been involved in many long-distance relationships. Sometimes I wonder if I’d be better off in a short-distance relationship or a medium-distance relationship. But that doesn’t have nearly the same ring to it.